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Book released in paperback!

A paperback version of my first book 'So... This is Awkward' is now available. Get it from createspace HERE. (It should also be available on Amazon soon, but I get a smaller cut of the monies if you buy it there...)

To celebrate this release I have set up up a 'kindle countdown deal' meaning the ebook version will be 99c on Amazon.com and 99p on Amazon.co.uk as of Wednesday morning (just in case you're not sure about investing in solid pages).

Finally here is a picture of my lovely book in the hands of a lovely girl...
...Am I doing advertising right yet?!

https://www.createspace.com/5653033

Paperback release on Wednesday!

Exciting news!
On Wednesday I will be publishing a paperback edition of my book 'So... This is Awkward' and it will be available via Amazon and Createsapce.

Here are some pictures of my proof copy:





How to find the kinky person of your dreams on the internet.


The Lovely Belle originally hosted this as guest post on her awesome blog 'Not Just sex' back in 2015, but the page seems to have gone down. I've put my saved version of it below:


Our culture is a strange thing; someone writes a clunky piece of twilight fan fiction one day, then everyone is clamouring to talk about BDSM the next. For those of you not in the know, or mercifully protected from the 50 shades phenomenon, BDSM stands for ‘Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, & Masochism’, (Dominance & Submission can also be thrown in there thanks to some cunning letter redundancy).

BDSM covers a range of practices that have been around for centuries, but mostly confined to the shadows of sinful deviancy for much of our recent history. Now it seems they are back with a vengeance, except that these days we have the internet, and with it comes the thrilling/terrifying possibility of being able to easily find people that want to actually act out our darkest fantasies with us.

What’s that? You don’t have any dark fantasies? Sure, whatever you say!

Being new to kink can certainly be daunting, and questions such as; ‘Will I get murdered?’ ‘Will I accidentally hurt someone?’ ‘Will I have my organs stolen?’ are all very healthy questions and asking them should definitely be encouraged.

I’ve been exploring kink through the medium of online dating for just over two and a half years now. It’s been a pretty wild ride and I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some great play partners along the way. I’ve definitely learnt quite a lot from dating in New York, so here are my tips I’ve picked up from personal experience as well as things I’ve read here and there. Some of these tips may sound a little generic, but sometimes it’s worth stating the obvious. Hopefully most of this advice is written in a way that should be relevant across gender divides and the spectrum of dominance and submission.

1 - Be smart and safe

Some people may well get a kick out of risk and they may get turned on by the idea of putting themselves out on a limb by going over to some strangers apartment to be tied up and abused. While their excitement is perhaps understandable on some level it is obviously not smart to risk life and limb just for a kinky thrill, especially not without taking precautions. There really are monsters out there, so don’t throw away all the kinky fun times you could have in the future for one reckless evening with a psycho.

If you’re feeling moderately brave and live somewhere metropolitan the best way to meet people is probably through your local kink community. You can usually find out about relaxed socials called ‘munches’ through fetlife (which is like facebook for kinky people), and these events can be a good way to suss out potential partners and make friends before going along to more intense play parties etc. Engaging with these BDSM communities is probably the best way to learn and meet strangers with compatible interests. However, it can seem intimidating and downright weird to a lot of people so it’s definitely not for everyone. Also don’t assume that just because you met someone through a BDSM community that they are safe and ‘vetted’, I’ve read plenty of horror stories on fetlife about consent violators who hang out in these communities and get away with abuses. Sometimes they may even occupy positions of authority and trust, so don’t be ashamed to ask around in the community about someone before you trust them yourself.

Perhaps munches don’t sound like your thing and you only want to confide your kinky secrets in one person. Fair enough, looks like your best bet online dating then. As with all online dating, it’s best to meet somewhere public first where you can chat and figure out if your date is the right kind of crazy. (Hint; if they resemble Christian Grey in that they seem shallow, stalky, obsessive, and generally too used to getting what they want, then get out of there!)

When interacting with someone keep an eye out for ‘red flags’ and if your date says something that worries you then get them to clarify. Don’t be afraid to take your time getting to know someone before exploring your kink together. Admittedly there is often a certain thrill in a first meeting that can be lost once you part ways, it can be good to ride out that first date energy. However, if you’re reluctant, and your date tries to manipulate you or make you feel guilty for not giving them the kinky sex they want, then that is a blazing a red flag. It’s your body and no one is entitled to it just because they came out for a meeting and you had some conversations that turned them on.

Finally, if you’re unable to resist a mad urge to dash over to a stranger's place for some kinky fun, at least tell someone trustworthy where you are going and who you are going to see! If possible set up a “safe call” where you promise to check in with someone after a certain amount of time, and tell your date that you’re going to do this. Sure kinky sex is great, but it’s obviously not worth risking your life for.


2 - Be true to yourself

Something to remember when diving down the BDSM rabbit hole is not to let anyone tell you what you are and what you are not.

It seems odd to have to point this out, but  ironically for a non-conformist subculture there can be a lot of pressure to conform to certain expectations. “True dominants don’t go down on girls”, “Real submissives should only speak when spoken to”, “Switches are just indecisive”, this kind of bullshit floats around kink like wasps around jam. I am of the general opinion that personality labels are effectively pointless, but even if they do have value people who say things like ‘true doms should do this’ and ‘true subs should do that’ are either arrogant tools trying to assert themselves, or worse; they are trying to manipulate you into matching their own selfish fantasies.

It’s also important to remember that BDSM is not a competition; some people may enjoy more extreme things, some people may prefer to keep things light, and as you get to know someone you’ll learn to calibrate their limits and pleasures. Just because someone can take more pain than you or administers a more brutal spanking does not make them “better at kink” than you are. It might just make them more familiar with awkward trips to A&E.

Everyone has their different pain and pleasure thresholds that can vary dramatically day by day. If dominating someone it’s important to be able to read someone’s responses in order to gauge how much pain to inflict. It also shouldn’t feel like you’ll get ‘points’ based on the sizes of the bruises you leave behind. Maybe by saying this I’m singling myself out as not a ‘true dom’ to some, but I can live with that, and I’m definitely not saying that leaving bruises can’t be fun…

Self confidence can be an incredibly attractive and sexy quality in itself, regardless of how you identify, so try to get comfortable in your own skin and inside your own head, although I know this can be hard. Let the judgement of ignorant people wash over you; you’re the only person who has to live your life so make it the life you want to live!

3 - Be patient

As the saying goes “there are plenty of fish in the sea”. However, there are also plenty of other unpleasant creatures in there too, which, if caught, are best thrown back in as swiftly as possible. Real life isn’t a hollywood romcom; it’s a cruel and chaotic world we live in and the loves of our lives aren’t always going to fall into our laps. I think it can help to accept this and not take it too personally when things don’t go your way.

Sometimes online dating can feel like a never ending search for “the one”, but it’s like that for most of us. You are not alone, and even if you don’t find the one that shouldn’t stop you from having some fun along the way. Try to appreciate the people you get to know, even if not all of the chemistry you need is there to make it last.

It is also wise to be patient when trying different things in the bedroom. A lot of BDSM activities can carry real risks and require certain skills to perform safely. These skills can take time to learn and shouldn’t be rushed into just because you saw someone do it on kink.com and it looked hot.

4 - Be Honest and Ethical

Trust is one of the most important elements that reinforces all human relationships, but it is particularly important when BDSM is involved. If you let someone tie you up you are trusting them with a lot more than just your feelings. Similarly if you tie someone up you’re trusting them to tell you when they want to be untied, which might not sound like such a big deal, but gets kind of scary from a consent perspective.

Lies undermine that vital trust, even small ones. We may all tell little ones here and there to preserve people's feelings, but if we start to establish a pattern of deceit we are more than likely going to hurt everyone more in the long run. Being consistently honest takes courage, and sometimes saying nothing can seem the easiest way to avoid either lying or telling a painful truth. However, remaining silent can also be a hurtful, especially if it drags out an already painful situation.

As for the ethical side of things; it’s not rocket science! Treat others in the same way as you would want to be treated. Being a dom isn’t a licence to be an arsehole and being a sub isn’t a licence to abdicate all personal responsibility. We may all be different in our tastes, but we are equal in our rights and agency, (or at least we should be, backwards ideas notwithstanding). It’s safe to assume that if you’re treating someone in a selfish way that’s going to be detrimental to someone else's life, then you are not being ethical, even if they have clearly consented to being treated in that way.

At the end of the day we all have to live on this planet, and while like me you may not believe in karma in the spiritual sense, if you treat one person badly they are then more likely to treat someone else badly, and so on and so on, until it comes back to hurt all of us one way or another.

*

Well I think that’s my top tips done. The internet is overflowing with advice on how to do particular BDSM things so take your time and have a good long browse! Also keep an eye out for local classes organised by your kink community as they can be a fun way to learn and meet people at the same time.

Oh, one final suggestion. Don’t forget to Be Bad :)

New drawing


Apologies for this blog's continued inactivity, there should be some guest pieces for other blogs in the pipeline that I'll post here when they get published.

In the meantime though I have been doing some more drawing; this one is of a scene at the very start of my book and features a girl called Piper who's on her knees and about to be in all kinds of trouble...

... read the start of my book for free here!




Paperback Cover reveal


Book cover design has gone off to createspace. Now I await my proofs!

#book #indie #selfpublished #dating #BDSM #Kink #NewYork

Back cover for my book!


So I've finished drawing a back cover for my book! Now I just need to write a good blurb to put on it and do battle with createspace... In the meantime though I'm running my FINAL FREE EBOOK PROMOTION THIS WEEKEND! Download it here, then tell EVERYBODY, (and please leave me a nice review! Turns out this self publishing thing is hard!) 

New York skyline pencil sketch WTC1 Manhattan water


The Hook (Guest post for Charlie In The Pool)



Charlie kindly hosted me for a guest post last week over on her blog 'Charlie in the pool'

It is titled 'The hook' and you can read it HERE

(And if you're wondering what that picture is of then click to find out!)

Who are you calling fucked up?!

“That sounds kind of fucked up…” They say
‘What exactly do they mean by ‘fucked up’?’ we wonder, while often capitulating with a “Yeah, I guess...”

Kinksters of the world, capitulate no more!
‘That’s kind of fucked up’ is a simple expression, and it’s one that I’ve also used on plenty of occasions myself to describe people in a non-hostile, but slightly disapproving way. Chances are that if, like me, you enjoy BDSM, you’ve been described as ‘fucked up’ at sometime or another, although maybe not always to your face.
We kinksters seem to accept this as par for the course, the price for being true to our sexuality. However, I find it increasingly irks me, especially when it ends a conversation rather than starts one. It hints at some nebulous negative opinion, a summary judgement that is too ill defined to latch onto and wrestle. Arguing with the ‘fucked up’ label can feel like trying to bail water with a sieve, as whatever is meant by it can shift and morph depending on what arguments you throw at it.

This is my attempt to trap that phrase in a box and hit it with sticks.

Frankly, describing BDSM as ‘fucked up’ is a lazy derogation that informs on nothing except the announcer’s prejudice. Perhaps it’s understandable as a gut reaction, but unforgivable as a conclusion.

“That sounds kind of self destructive”, or “That sounds kind of sociopathic”, or “That sounds kind of dangerous”, or “That sounds like the result of childhood trauma”, are all understandable reactions to BDSM, even if I believe they are inaccurate. However, these specific reactions can be engaged with. (Here is my general counter as to why I think people like BDSM, I will try to counter the idea that it is dangerous and self destructive in a future post).

In contrast those who utilise the ‘it’s just kind of fucked up’ comment at the end of a BDSM conversation are in a way admitting defeat, but simultaneously refusing to concede. Calling someone ‘fucked up’ is hurtful and it is a label those of us who enjoy BDSM shouldn’t let pass so easily, especially as it is often used in the absence of any genuine argument or rationalization. The implication of calling someone fucked up is that the subject is somehow deficient and should labelled as broken without anyone having identified the actual fault.

Fuck that.

Deviant does not equal defective.

To assume someone is ‘damaged goods’ because they don’t fit socially accepted norms is just some juvenile school yard shit. This ignorant pack mentality is a powerful force, and to keep it at bay you can't be silent, you have to oppose it. Whether it’s directed at LGBTQ people, religious minorities, transgender people, or those with deviant sexual tastes, the persecution of nonconformity always seems to creep in, often manipulated by the powerful, but sometimes for no better reason than that people are afraid of difference.

I’ll ask a final question; who is more fucked up; someone who accepts their sexual desires for what they are? Or someone who denies their desires because they’re afraid what other people will think of them?

The person who accepts their deviant sexual desires, and explores them in a safe and ethical way, seems to me to be the winner in the game of ‘least fucked up’. Whether or not you argue that those desires are the result of some internal fault, or are actually just a common quirk of our shared biology, it’s surely safer to recognise them than pretend they’re not there. Like learning your driving a manual car instead of an automatic; once you acknowledge you need to use the gear stick occasionally it’s going to be much easier to get where you want to go to, or you can keep pretending you're in a n automatic and wonder why the engine is making so much noise.

Many secretly kinky people may refuse to acknowledge their non-vanilla fantasies because they’re afraid of what people will think. (Even though I’m not ashamed of my own tastes I don’t just hide behind a pseudonym because it sounds funny!) The fear of social exclusion is totally understandable, it has been conditioned into us by a culture that has condemned sexual deviancy for centuries. I’d guess this condemnation can be traced to the frequently batshit preachings of the abrahamic religions, but I probably can’t blame religion for everything. This is the 21st century though; we’ve split the atom, decoded the human genome, and seen to the edge of the observable universe. I think there’s only one hell left to believe in, and it’s is the hell that can exist inside a person’s head. It would seem easier for someone to end up there by denying their nature rather than accepting it.

A drawing of a butt!

 #spanking #ruler #ass #punishment #eroticart #drawing #pencilsketch #art
I've been drawing again! Here's a new picture inspired by the story 'Harder!'



Storm in the distance - *Guest Post on Bangs & Whimpers!*





This was originally a Guest Blog Post on Bangs & Whimpers http://bangsandwhimpers.com/guest-banger-timmytuttles/ but sadly that site seems to have gone down now. Here it is anyway:


Storm in the distance



Her face is contorted as it presses against the warm glass of my apartment window. I squeeze her there naked and exposed and she squeezes me back as I move inside her. My air conditioning unit blows cold air up through our legs, buzzing and whirring with a sense of unbalanced desperation, but It still can’t keep up with the heat we’re making.


As soon as I’d got her home I’d made her strip down to her bright white underwear then put both her hands on the window sill. Her ass is still warm and reddened from the spanking, and now her hands are pressed against the glass as she tries to resist the force of me thrusting into her. I wrap my arms around her, pressing her limbs and body together into a single ball of warm flesh that’s mine for the taking.

In front of us the lights of the city are coming on. New York’s buildings are a black jumble of blunt and pointy teeth, gnawing on the backdrop of orange twilight. A million windows silently watching.

I bite her back, and then whisper in her ear;

“I want the whole world to see what a disgraceful slut you are!”

I watch the reflection of her face compressed sideways against that hard pane. Her expression is rich with emotion as it leaves a greasy smear on the glass, an etching of unidentified feelings.

The noises she makes almost resemble crying, but I’ve learnt her sounds now and the whimpers no longer give me pause. Her list of likes, dislikes, and curiosities is printed in my mind, and my moderated brutality always brings her back for more.


In the distance the Empire State is bathed in red as the floodlights in it’s crown begin warming up for the night. We sweat and fuck below; our salute to the city.
*

I wake suddenly in the night with a feeling that something is wrong, but my toy and lover is sleeping quietly beside me, the edge of my thin white sheet just resting below her breasts. It is getting warm and muggy in my apartment, but if I switch the air con back on it will keep us awake with its habitual rumbling.


I still have the feeling some stimulus has woken me, but, save for the breathing of the girl beside me, everything here is quiet and still. Then suddenly a flash of electricity lights up my curtains, illuminating my room with a burst of bright blue. I wait for the accompanying thunder, but it never arrives and after a while there is another silent flash. The lightning storm must be too far away to hear, discharging its electric tendrils high up over New Jersey and the thunder absorbed by the city's noises and humid air. An Apocalyptic effect, perhaps the end is closer than I thought?

More electric blue flickers over the body lying in bed with me and her nipples seize my attention as they flash, crisp and focused, out of that fuzzy darkness. She moves a little as she lies there sleeping.

‘What is she dreaming?’ I wonder. And yet I know I'll never know what it’s really like inside that sleeping head.

Book launched!


I've published my book on Amazon! I know, it took me long enough, but now all 92 thousand words of it are out there for you to read for less than the price of a cocktail / pint / real book made of paper!

Please download it and leave nice reviews! At the moment I'm doing this all by myself so if you decide this book is worth reading I need your help getting it out there. Tell your friends! Tell your elderly relatives! Tell your pets! Tell random strangers on public transport!

This is it:



Synopsis:

This is a true story about one Englishman’s ride on the New York dating roller-coaster, including the romantic highs, the quiet lows, and the unfortunate periods of dizziness and nausea.

The book follows Dr Timothy Tuttlesmith’s evolution from inexperienced Oxford graduate to BDSM savvy New Yorker. Online dating is the catalyst of his downfall, as while using an experimental dating profile he makes the surprising discovery that quite a lot of girls want to be tied up and spanked… He also discovers that he quite enjoys tying them up and spanking them. Here Timmy re-tells the comedy highlights of his kinky dating shenanigans, including all the naughty sexy bits, but presented in an honest and non-idealised fashion. He attempts to tackle the myths and stigma that surround the subject and portrays kinky people as what they are; a diverse and interesting mix of perfectly sane individuals (for the most part anyway...)

Timmy is also looking for romantic connections and not just sexcapades with submissive girls who like to be dominated. However, to have any hope of finding love, he must first navigate the complicated politics of New York dating. His stories provide a catalogue of his dating faux-pas, only some of which he can blame on being English. These anecdotes also present snapshots of the various fascinating female characters that he is fortunate enough to encounter along the way. Dating fuels explorations of the weird and wonderful world that is New York; a metropolis that stands as a testament to the power of the American dream. While he investigates the city’s different neighbourhoods he begins to feel at home strolling along NY’s many sidewalks, and in this city the girl of his dreams always seems to hover just around the next corner.

However, as time goes by, our protagonist also experiences some of the emotional pitfalls of modern dating and he begins to fear that the nature of human connection is changing in ways beyond anyone’s control. Strolling amongst the city’s bright lights Timmy finds himself wondering where exactly he is trying to get to on his journey, which has already brought him a very long way from home.

*

Please share, if this book is successful I plan to publish a paper version, and maybe work on a sequel, but one thing at a time! Anyway, hopefully I will now have some more breathing room to work on writing blog posts, draw, and tidy up what's on here already.

Watch this space!

Timmy  xoxox

I'm still alive

I know. I have not posted anything here for ages, I am forever penitent! My book is sooo nearly ready though, just trying to get a final edit done (turns out I really suck at spotting my own bad grammar and typos...)

However in the meantime I have drawn a sexy picture, inspired by my 'disturbing the neighbours' chapter, so I thought I'd post it for you viewing pleasure!




(The way you can tell that this is art and not porn is because of how I drew it with pencils...)

How wrong is it to like 50 shades of grey?




Can you criticise something effectively without ever having read it? Normally I would say no, but fortunately with 50 shades of grey enough people seem to have read it and written about it already that I can observe a clear consensus that the trilogy is an abysmally written pile of tripe about emotionally unstable and one-dimensional characters, which feeds off of our blind obsession with wealth and materialism, and worst of all potentially glorifies domestic violence, (although that last claim is more heavily debated).

Maybe you think I should actually read it/watch it before reiterating these claims, but I think that would be kind of like pressing a button that says “get punched in the balls” while surrounded by hundreds of people hunched in the foetal position and yelling not to press it.

Some people might object to this negative characterization of their beloved 50 shades, they may even feel personally affronted. However my reading of articles and blog posts both defending and bashing 50 shades has only led me to conclude that the BOOK is bad, whether or not it is bad to like it is another matter entirely and that’s what I’m going to pontificate on here….


*

50 Shades of Grey seems to have stoked a general furnace of controversy, not just from the traditional ‘down with this sort of thing’ wet blanket brigade, but also from otherwise liberal feminists and particularly the BDSM community itself. As someone who enjoys BDSM I can confirm that it is really quite galling to have your sexual tastes represented to the world by a book about the manipulation of a boring sounding chick called ‘Anastasia’, by an apparently insecure child called ‘Christian’ (Ok I watched the trailer, and him saying “I exercise control in all things” makes it abundantly clear that this is not a man who has made his peace with the chaos of the universe).

To put yourself in my shoes (i.e. the shoes of a kinky guy who likes to cause women consensual pain), imagine you really like bird watching while wearing a spiderman outfit (I know, a weird hobby but hopefully inoffensive…) Then someone writes a book about a fictional character who’s obsessed with bird watching while wearing a spiderman outfit but who also rapes people.

I mean you can’t help but resent whoever writes a book that creates an ugly paradigm right in your own backyard. It also doesn’t help when they make a shit tonne of money out of it and you’re left despairing for humanity.

One question in my mind is kind of like a chicken v egg problem which goes: Was 50 Shades of grey successful because a swathe of women are really turned on by fantasies about abusive behaviour? OR are a swathe of women so sex starved that a book containing edgy erotica has subtly tricked them into getting turned on by these fantasies? I mean it must be the former surely? How else could literary effluent sell so many copies? Maybe there is an element of the later too though; BDSM can be seen as such a taboo subject that it is easy for those in the spotlight to come along and say ‘Look at THIS! This is how this works! Do it this way or you’re doing it wrong!’, while the rest of us can only look on aghast. Getting into BSDM after reading 50 shades of grey is kind of like finding out that you’re interested in genetics after watching an X-men film; it’s all very well and good but someone really needs to sit you down and explain ‘Most gene mutations don’t actually give you superpowers!’ before you start guzzling radioactive waste.

Now I pass no judgement on 50 shades fans; there is not a thing wrong with getting a kick out of dodgy erotica or being into BDSM, and fuck anybody who tells you otherwise. In my opinion desires to both dominate and submit are driven by perfectly natural instincts that get shaped by society and our upbringings into our own personal kinks and fetishes and there is nothing defective, shameful, or ‘fucked up’ about being turned on by bondage, pain, and power exchange, (I’ve written out some of my thoughts on why people like BDSM here). However the danger comes when people go and pursue these fantasies without due regard for their safety and sanity. It’s not fucked up to have submissive fantasies but it is kind of fucked up, or at least incredibly ill advised, to follow them into an inescapable, violent, and manipulative situation just because it turns you on.

Perhaps the dangerous thing about 50 shades of grey is that it appears to blur the lines between erotic fantasy and regular storytelling. It creates an absurd universe containing non-human characters that act in outlandish ways. The risk follows that readers may be fooled into believing that there is something to be learnt about real life from this, as if somehow reading about the interactions and behaviours of the 50 shades non-people can tell them something about how real people in their lives work, and consequently how they should behave towards them. 50 shades may also give the impression to the impressionable that if you want to ‘get your kink on’ the best way to do it is to seek out a sociopathic billionaire to trap you in a web of manipulation and abuse… I’m 98% sure this is not the smartest way to get ones kink on. As an alternative one could write a book about a girl who signs up to fetlife, goes to a local munch, makes some great friends, and eventually finds a play partner who’s the right level of D to her S and S to her M. Sure maybe that book wouldn’t be as thrilling, but at least whoever wrote it could sleep at night without worrying how many naive unfortunates are currently lifeless in trunks of limousines thanks to them.

I wouldn’t suggest for one moment that a book should be banned or repressed, however stupid it is (although a warning label might not go amiss). Like a fart in an elevator, 50 shades of grey has happened, and now we all just have to deal with it. On the plus side the odour has sparked a conversation, and it seems like some kind of social progress has come out of it, it’s just a shame that the smell in here still shows no sign of going away.